Disclosures Vol. 5: For the Weekend

By: Urfavfilosopher/PolyamorousBlackGirl

Sza’s The Weekend made quite a splash among non-monogamous folks when it was dropped in 2017. Because depictions of Black ethical non-monogamists is sparse, we tend to flock toward media that may even just potentially cast a favorable light on non-monogamy. Yet we don’t think that the artist went as far as she could. Let us explain…

The song’s opening lines are “You say you got a girl, Yeah how you want me when you got a girl?” and when paired with the song ambiguous chorus doesn’t present a straight forward picture of what is exactly going on relationally between her and her man:

“My Man is my man, is your man, heard it’s her man too/ My man is my man, is you man, heard thats her man Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday/ I just keep him satisfied through the weekend”

These excerpts don’t exactly paint the picture of unethical non-monogamy — after all, he said he got a girl, right? But the subsequent question “How you want me when you got a girl?” does more to reveal the ways that the song rests on monogamous logics.

Sza’s question represents a common confusion among monogamists. How could you possibly be trying to pursue a sexual relationship with me when you are operating within the confines of already being in a romantic relationship? Additionally, the chorus resounds themes of possession and ownership that are typically associated with monogamous culture. That aside, over the course of the song, listeners are convinced that Sza doesn’t care about his other relationships “long as [he’s] there by 10:30, no later” on Friday ready to “drop them drawers” and “give [her] what [she] wants”; seemingly consenting non-monogamous relationship dynamics.

This is where many analyses read Black women’s sexual empowerment into the story. Through Sza’s depiction, women allegedly prioritize their own sexual desires and satisfaction over the idea of a man being at the center of all of their actions. By positioning all the women in this man’s life as knowing what he wants from them, Sza diffuses his manipulations, making him out to look like the foolish one or the “played” in this scenario. She exercises her own power in reclaiming the sexual space as being one that she wants, irrespective of what his desires are.

But The Weekend’s sexual empowerment may come at the expense of presenting even more progressive forms of non-monogamy. For example, while Sza successfully decentralizes the man as being at the center of all of her actions, we do not see or hear her talking about having extra-relational relationships outside of him. We don’t learn this about the other women either. This preserves the dyadic model of intimate relationships (i.e. relationships between two and only two people). In a perverse way, the project of sexual reclamation and empowerment rests on monogamy retaining its power.

The song’s second verse complicates Sza’s position further. Whereas the first verse and chorus present the singer as being satisfied with the two to three days of dedicated time between her and her man, the second verse shows her wanting more. “What kind of tease is two days?” she sings, “I need me at least ‘bout four of them, more of them.” This type of longing isn’t un familiar to non-monogamists who have to get used to their partners sharing and splitting their time between relationships. However, in an interview with Vulture, Sza says of time-splitting:

“Time-sharing a man is real AF. If we’re all being honest there’s very few men that are just dating one woman. I think, low-key, the internet makes it so difficult [to be in relationships] because we’re taking in so much information. There’s always new, new, new, more, more, more. Having one person seems like a restriction, like a limitation. Everyone’s used to being overstimulated.

I feel like men kind of do this thing where they don’t wanna tell anyone about [who they’re with], because they don’t want to lose the opportunity to potentially call you if they needed to. Not saying that they would, but they need the option. So in that song, I’m opting in. Like, I know you have a bunch of girls, probably. Maybe you’re not being honest with me — I just know that you have mad girls — and I still don’t care, because I didn’t want to be your girlfriend anyway! I’m not internalizing the way that you’re acting as a disrespect towards me, it doesn’t make me any less because you’re not my boyfriend. And like, you’re not her boyfriend, and you’re not her boyfriend. You’re just out here wildin’.”

Sza’s commentary insinuates that because her man is not her boyfriend, nor a boyfriend to any of the other women, he is essentially valueless. Him being “just out here wildin’” subtly keeps the monogamous structures in tact. Monogamy still maintains its power. Beyond upholding monogamy, Sza’s comments also perpetuates gender based tropes of heterosexual men who are monogamous. It overlooks the potentially more empowering possibility that women can and are doing the same thing — i.e. dating and fucking multiple people at the same time.

We maintain that there is potential for Sza’s The Weekend to be empowering for black polyamorous women, and transformative for societal culture in its own right. For the most part the song does kind of achieve this. It displays an acceptance of non-monogamous relationship dynamics without jealousy. But ultimately, the song’s complexity along with Sza’s public commentary make the work difficult to situate in relation to polyamorous empowerment.

PBG Peace Sign Emoji, and Urfav looking philosophically into the distance.